12:01 am • 12 December 2011 • 132 notes • © • via
A Day in the Life of a Bisexual
The first thing I do every single morning when I wake up is make sure that I’m still bisexual. As you probably know, bisexuality is only a temporary state, and soon I’ll be mature enough to either realize that I’m actually a lesbian and am just too scared to come out all the way or I want straight privilege, or that I’m really straight but want to seem cool. Since I’ve never “been with” a girl, it is probably the latter, especially since it is impossible to know you’re attracted to someone unless you’ve fucked them. After I make sure that I’m still bisexual, I check to make sure that my boyfriend still is. It is especially impossible for him to be bisexual because he has a penis, so I know that any day now he’ll either tell me that he was just pretending to be bisexual because it’s cool or he’s been shagging anything with a penis behind my back.
After I get up and dressed, I head out to my classes, where I have to resist the urge to fuck everyone and thing that I see, because us bisexuals are just insatiable little whores. When I get to lunch, I stand there agonized, trying to decide between the pasta and the rice. After much angst and drama, I decide to have both and mix them together. If you can’t tell by this point, this is clearly an analogy for the fact that I can never be sexually satisfied unless I am having a threesome.
After classes I head home, where I spend the rest of my evening watching porn and agonizing over when I will discover my true sexuality.